April 11, 2011

I have been up since around 3:30 AM this morning. I am really having a struggle with my emotions today. I feel like I am drowning again and I don't understand why. I know that I have a lot to do and I can't seem to find a way to get started. I feel like I am in a bog full of mud and can't get out. I keep praying for help and I know with time it will come. I just need to keep fighting and thinking positive. I just read a post on a young womans blog. She is a friend of one of my friends. She is been fighting cancer for over 10 years. She is an amazing young woman. She just gave a talk at her father's funeral. As I read it on her post I felt her strength and love for her father. She also has such respect and love for her mother. It is really hard to loose a parent I know as I have lost both of mine. I miss my parents at times so much that is hurts. I often wish my mother was here so we could have one of our little talks. She always made me feel better after one of them. As I read several of this young lady's blogs I felt the need to write again in my blog. I know that we are all here for a purpose. I also know that we don't always know why things happen to us. All I know is that we choose to have the lives we are living. We didn't just happen to be. We made choices before we came to this life and now we get to live them. Not always do we feel we can make it through some of those choices but some how we do. I have also come to realize that I can't get through anything on my own. I have a Heavenly Father that will help if I just call on Him. I so often forget to do that very thing and then life gets really hard. I realize that my trials here in this life seem harder than they need to be. Or should I say I make them harder than they need to be. I have often wondered why my life has been spared to often. I finally realize that Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me time to get my life in order before I die. I have alot to repent of and make my life straight with Him. I am so thankful that I was blessed to have the earthly parents that I had and to live in the family I have. I am thankful for the children I have beel blessed with and their sweet families. I can think of know other blessing greater than families.