April 11, 2011

I have been up since around 3:30 AM this morning. I am really having a struggle with my emotions today. I feel like I am drowning again and I don't understand why. I know that I have a lot to do and I can't seem to find a way to get started. I feel like I am in a bog full of mud and can't get out. I keep praying for help and I know with time it will come. I just need to keep fighting and thinking positive. I just read a post on a young womans blog. She is a friend of one of my friends. She is been fighting cancer for over 10 years. She is an amazing young woman. She just gave a talk at her father's funeral. As I read it on her post I felt her strength and love for her father. She also has such respect and love for her mother. It is really hard to loose a parent I know as I have lost both of mine. I miss my parents at times so much that is hurts. I often wish my mother was here so we could have one of our little talks. She always made me feel better after one of them. As I read several of this young lady's blogs I felt the need to write again in my blog. I know that we are all here for a purpose. I also know that we don't always know why things happen to us. All I know is that we choose to have the lives we are living. We didn't just happen to be. We made choices before we came to this life and now we get to live them. Not always do we feel we can make it through some of those choices but some how we do. I have also come to realize that I can't get through anything on my own. I have a Heavenly Father that will help if I just call on Him. I so often forget to do that very thing and then life gets really hard. I realize that my trials here in this life seem harder than they need to be. Or should I say I make them harder than they need to be. I have often wondered why my life has been spared to often. I finally realize that Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me time to get my life in order before I die. I have alot to repent of and make my life straight with Him. I am so thankful that I was blessed to have the earthly parents that I had and to live in the family I have. I am thankful for the children I have beel blessed with and their sweet families. I can think of know other blessing greater than families.

March 20, 2011

I had the privilege of going to church today. I feel it a privilege because for so long I found excuses for not going and using my health as an excuse. I really enjoyed the meetings today and I stayed for all three meetings. I know the church is true and I really want to be worthy to be with my family for ever. I really want to be with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ forever, too. I know that they love me and will help me through everything if I just ask them to. I have had a bad afternoon because I haven't felt very good. I am hurting really bad this afternoon. I am trying to just fight it and overcome my weaknesses. I know that I am still fighting something but what I don't know. I just need to not worry about it and trust in the Lord. I know that with time things will be revealed and we will know what to do about it. For now I just need to continue on and not fear. Trials are for a reason and to help us grow. I just hope I will be able to do with this trial what Heavenly Father wants me to do with it. I hope I will grow and learn something from this.

March 19, 2011

I went to the Stake Relief Society Social this morning. It was such a wonderful thing to sit with such choice sisters in the church. We learned a lot about the General Relief Society Presidents of the church. I really enjoyed the sisters that I sat by. I feel so blessed this day going to such an uplifting meeting. I hope that I continue to have the desire to attend to all of my church meetings. I also went to the Mesa Temple Visitors Center with John and his family this evening. I am happy that I went and I love the temple. I really have the desire to get my recommend renewed as soon as possible. I miss going to the temple. I really feel the need to go and visit the temple. I love the gospel and I know that my Saviour loves me.

March 18, 2011

Sydnie and I went to breakfast today. After breakfast we went shopping for things to make Great Aunt Janet a birthday card from Sydnie. She did a great job at picking out stuff to make the card. We also found her something red to wear for every Friday in honor of our troops. We both love our freedoms and our country so we wanted to support our freedoms. This was a very nice day.

March 17, 2011

Today has been another good day. Janet took the kids and I to see the movie Rango. It was a cute movie and I really enjoyed it. Sydnie is spending the night with me and that is nice. When she stays with me it isn't as lonely. She is such a comfort when she is around. She just turned 10 and I am amazed at how much she has grown up. She is getting really tall now and gives the best hugs.

March 16, 2011

Today I went in for my colonscopy and endoscopy and all went well. Janet took me and Doctor Borjeson said that I don't have cancer. I see her next week and get the final results of the test. I am sure that what she told Janet is true. I just need to learn to trust in the things I am told. I am tired so I am going to bed early.

March 15, 2011

Today I am doing a prep for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I am finding that it is hard to drink the prep and I hope that I have drank enough for the test. The prep has made me really sick to my stomach and I have been fighting to keep from throwing up. I am nervous about the test but, I know that all will go well. Janet is taking me for my test. I am grateful for that. I am hoping I get a good night rest.