February 26,2011

Today has been really hard for me. I have been fighting depression and extreme exhuastion. I am trying to overcome the way I feel so I decided to start this journal online. I am so thankful for the many blessings I receive every day. I have been blessed with a very special family and good friends. Today I spent time with two of my daughters-in-law and their children. I spent time with Lori and Mechelle and enjoyed their company. Lori got her hair done by Mechelle and we then went to a container store for food storage. When we got there it was closed so we will go back another time. I was able to love my sweet little grandson Bryce, he is so little and soft. He loves so unconditionally and that is a wonderful thing. I have found that all of my grandchildren love that way. They are so willing to forgive without any question. I wish it was that simple for all of us. Because of the feelings I have had this day I talked to a friend. I came to realize how much Heavenly Father loves us by giving us such good friends. She listened to me and didn't judge me. She loved me inspite of me. That is a wonderful blessing in itself. I am learning how much our Father-in-Heaven loves each of us. I get so discouraged and fall so short in the things I should be doing. I worry about everything and what I need to do to overcome it. I worry about my health and what it means to my family. I worry about falling short and not enduring to the end. I have had a lot of time over the last few weeks to think about life and death. I want to be a good person but I fall short so often. I have been able to look at the wonderful examples that has been in my life. I have thought about my mother and all of her strengths. Yes, she had her weaknesses but, she had alot more strengths. I remember when she had an anyurism of the brain rupture and facing a surgery, and then a coma how she worried about all of us. She never once thought about herself and what was happening to her. She was worried about her grandchildren and that her Christmas wasn't finished for them. She set a great example for all who knew her. How grateful I am for such a loving and caring mother. I miss her and look forward to the day we meet again. I've been reflecting on Lori's sweet mother who suffered alot and never complained and died with grace and dignity. I remember my Aunts that lived righteous lives and set examples of dignity for all of us. I remember a young friend of mine when I was 12 and how her death brought our primary class closer together. How lucky we were to sing at her funeral about being A Child of God. I remember the lose we all felt at the time and how much we missed her. But, as time has gone on I realize that she will meet us again one day. I am so thankful for the knowledge that there is life after death. That we can live with our loved ones again. I remember losing my baby boy and knowing that I will see him again one day. The blessings I have received are many. One of the greatest blessings is the sweet companion I have been blessed with. He has stuck with me through thick and thin. When most men would have left their wives he stayed with me. I know that it hasn't been easy for him but, I know that he loves me. I am so thankful when the missionaries came he listened to them and joined the church. Yes, I have been truly blessed and I am sure there are many more blessings to come.